我的心情....

Am I prepared to "pop" baby out now?

Body system down~ Consulted Dr Ong regards to what can I do?
His reply was "There's nothing you can do, not by diet or anything...."

He is preparing me (mentally) for the worst.....
What I will be facing / might be going thru during the delivery~
I told my gynae during my last routine check-up, "I dont think I will have courage to carry the 2nd child..."
His reply was, "If I can go bring you thru this pregnancy, if everything going to be safe...you can go ahead and plan for the 2nd child..."

I'm upset, scared, tired, emotional......
Going thru.....
1st trimester: Hugging toilet bowl, nauseous, throwing up...
2nd & 3rd trimester: Going thru all the tests, facing all the negative results.....

Maybe gestational diabetes due to my diet..considering is my own fault for sweet cravings.....
High chances I will get it again for next pregnancy.....
Blood counts fall, failing iron (its normal) also my diet, as I don't take red meat.....but now i do~
For this pregnancy, I started to eat more beef, take iron pills....
But just don't know why I still fail the test.....okie, Fine!
What abt platelets blood counts falls?....telling me I cant do anything abt it? Sigh. Telling me system couldnt produce (during my pregnancy) ......

If my platelets count con'd to fall below avg, Dr Ong will send me to specialist~
Before i deliver bb, I have to go thru blood transfusion....
There will be specialist stand by for me~
Just incase I cant stop bleeding profusely....
Maybe no epidural for me....or they will be extra careful when inject me with epidural~
Just incase bloodcot in my spine~
After hearing all these worst scenario, it sounds real scary to me~

I seriously think thats enough for me!

Hope & Pray~ Waiting for the day bb come to this world....
Hoping everything will be fine for me n him~
Both of us will get thru this~

I know everyone will just say to me "Be positive! Everything will be just fine"
Its really hard, you know? To stay positive after going thru all these shit~

*sigh*